Over the course of the last few… days I’ve been feeling kind of uninspired and lacking in motovation. As I might have mentioned enough times on this blog that it’s beginning to feel like I’m bragging at this point, I’m certainly not lacking for ideas. As I wrote yesterday, I’ve been working on an outline of a new book, I actually read a book in a day the other day and started a new one I enjoy a bit and yet–I find myself just feeling…blah.

Is it burnout? I really hope not.

Some days facing homework and just doing anything at all is an exhausting prospect. Frankly between the state of the job market and the general state of well (gestures vaguely at everything) makes it difficult at times. Even the little things that have might have otherwise cheered me up once upon a time just aren’t cutting it. So what’s a girl to do?

I’m glad you asked.

Make an art.

I realize that might sound counterproductive when you’re not feeling especially inspired or otherwise are lacking motivation but I decided to pull out my artbook and oil pastels and just kind of doodle. It’s never about making anything specific. It’s not about creating anything in particular or making “good” art or “commercial” art. It’s really just about seeing where the vibes take you. The point, at least as far as I’m concerned, is to have fun. Explore colors and shapes an lines. And there is something that feels very comforting about it. Believe it or not I had been feeling tense all day, anxious even, and weirdly just letting myself go, channeling my energy into my art seemed to help.

So much of life right now feels out of my control, it feels scary and exhausting, and frustrating, and it’s easy to get caught up in those feelings. To harbor all of that. Part of what I enjoy about making art and decentering the specificity of “good” in my art is that it allows me to just be creative. It’s not about making something that’s technically stunning. It’s not about making something that is a marvel to look at. Lots of people can do that and that’s a skill I don’t know that I care to really hone if I’m completely honest. But I do care about having fun, exploring creativly and making something just for me. And that is kind of the point sometimes.

When you decenter the idea of art that could be ‘for sale’ you find that you’re just making something for the love of the game, and I think that’s so easy to forget but so important to keep in mind.